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| + | [[File:Spooktober27_nauseausnocturne.jpg|thumb|Some of the verses|243x243px]] |
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| − | '''"A Nauseous Nocturne"''' was a 78-line poem describing a [[Monsters|monster]] stalking [[Calvin]] at night. It was |
+ | '''"A Nauseous Nocturne"''' was a 78-line poem describing a [[Monsters|monster]] stalking [[Calvin]] at night, patterned after Edgar Allan Poe's '''"The Raven"'''. It was a piece of original content included in [[The Essential Calvin and Hobbes]] at the beginning of the book. It was also on page 201 in Book 1 of ''[[The Complete Calvin and Hobbes]].'' |
==Text== |
==Text== |
||
'''A Nauseous Nocturne'''<br /> |
'''A Nauseous Nocturne'''<br /> |
||
By [[Bill Watterson]] |
By [[Bill Watterson]] |
||
| − | |||
Another night deprived of slumber,<br /> |
Another night deprived of slumber,<br /> |
||
Hours passing without number,<br /> |
Hours passing without number,<br /> |
||
| − | + | My eyes trace 'round the [http://calvinandhobbes.wikia.com/wiki/Calvin's_house#Calvin.27s_room room]. I lay<br /> |
|
Dripping sweat and now quite certain<br /> |
Dripping sweat and now quite certain<br /> |
||
That tonight the final curtain<br /> |
That tonight the final curtain<br /> |
||
| − | + | Drops upon my short life's precious play.<br /> |
|
From the darkness, by the closet<br /> |
From the darkness, by the closet<br /> |
||
Comes a noise, much like a faucet<br /> |
Comes a noise, much like a faucet<br /> |
||
| − | + | Makes: a madd'ning drip-drip-dripping sound.<br /> |
|
It seems some ill-proportioned beast,<br /> |
It seems some ill-proportioned beast,<br /> |
||
Anticipating me deceased,<br /> |
Anticipating me deceased,<br /> |
||
| − | + | Is drooling poison puddles on the ground. |
|
A can of Mace, a forty-five,<br /> |
A can of Mace, a forty-five,<br /> |
||
Is all I'd need to stay alive,<br /> |
Is all I'd need to stay alive,<br /> |
||
| − | + | But no weapon lies within my sight.<br /> |
|
Oh my gosh! A shadow's creeping,<br /> |
Oh my gosh! A shadow's creeping,<br /> |
||
Omnious and black, it's seeping<br /> |
Omnious and black, it's seeping<br /> |
||
| − | + | Slowly 'cross a moonlit square of light!<br /> |
|
Suddenly a floorboard creak<br /> |
Suddenly a floorboard creak<br /> |
||
| − | Announces the bloodsucking freak<br /> |
+ | Announces the [[Bloodsucking Freak|bloodsucking freak]]<br /> |
| − | + | Is here to steal my future years away!<br /> |
|
A sulf'rous smell now fills the room<br /> |
A sulf'rous smell now fills the room<br /> |
||
Heralding my imm'nent doom!<br /> |
Heralding my imm'nent doom!<br /> |
||
| − | + | A fang gleams in the dark and murky gray!<br /> |
|
Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles!<br /> |
Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles!<br /> |
||
Throbbing, pulsing ventricles!<br /> |
Throbbing, pulsing ventricles!<br /> |
||
| − | + | Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws!<br /> |
|
Worse, in terms of outright scariness,<br /> |
Worse, in terms of outright scariness,<br /> |
||
Are the suckers multifarious<br /> |
Are the suckers multifarious<br /> |
||
| − | + | That grab and force you in its mighty jaws!<br /> |
|
This disgusting aberration<br /> |
This disgusting aberration<br /> |
||
Of nature needs no motivation<br /> |
Of nature needs no motivation<br /> |
||
| − | + | To devour helpless children in their beds.<br /> |
|
Relishing despairing moans,<br /> |
Relishing despairing moans,<br /> |
||
It chews kids up and sucks their bones,<br /> |
It chews kids up and sucks their bones,<br /> |
||
| − | + | And dissolves inside its mouth their li'l heads!<br /> |
|
I know this 'cause I read it not<br /> |
I know this 'cause I read it not<br /> |
||
Two hours ago, and then I got<br /> |
Two hours ago, and then I got<br /> |
||
| − | + | The heebie-jeebies and these awful shakes.<br /> |
|
| − | + | My parents swore upon their honor<br /> |
|
That I was safe, and not a goner.<br /> |
That I was safe, and not a goner.<br /> |
||
| − | + | I guess tomorrow they'll see their sad mistakes.<br /> |
|
In the morning, they'll come in<br /> |
In the morning, they'll come in<br /> |
||
And say, "What was that awful din<br /> |
And say, "What was that awful din<br /> |
||
| − | + | We heard last night? You kept us both from sleep!"<br /> |
|
Only then will they surmise<br /> |
Only then will they surmise<br /> |
||
The gruesomeness of my demise<br /> |
The gruesomeness of my demise<br /> |
||
| − | + | And see that my remains are in a heap. |
|
| − | [[Calvin's |
+ | [[Calvin's father|Dad]] will look at [[Calvin's mother|Mom]] and say,<br /> |
"Too bad he had to go that way."<br /> |
"Too bad he had to go that way."<br /> |
||
| − | + | And Mom will look at Dad, and nod assent.<br /> |
|
Mom will add, "Still, it's fitting,<br /> |
Mom will add, "Still, it's fitting,<br /> |
||
That as he was this world quitting,<br /> |
That as he was this world quitting,<br /> |
||
| − | + | He should leave another mess before he went."<br /> |
|
They may not mind at first, I know.<br /> |
They may not mind at first, I know.<br /> |
||
They will miss me later, though,<br /> |
They will miss me later, though,<br /> |
||
| − | + | And perhaps admit that they were wrong.<br /> |
|
As memories of me grow dim,<br /> |
As memories of me grow dim,<br /> |
||
They'll say, "We were too strict with him.<br /> |
They'll say, "We were too strict with him.<br /> |
||
| − | + | We should have listened to him all along."<br /> |
|
As speedily my end approaches,<br /> |
As speedily my end approaches,<br /> |
||
| − | I bid a final |
+ | I bid a final ''buenas noches''<br /> |
| − | + | To my [[Hobbes|best friend]] here in all the world.<br /> |
|
Gently snoring, whiskers seeming<br /> |
Gently snoring, whiskers seeming<br /> |
||
To sniff at smells (he must be dreaming),<br /> |
To sniff at smells (he must be dreaming),<br /> |
||
| Line 94: | Line 94: | ||
| − | HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN!<br /> |
+ | "HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN!<br /> |
| − | YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!<br /> |
+ | YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!"<br /> |
| − | + | (Suddenly the monster knows I'm not alone!)<br /> |
|
There's an animal in bed with me!<br /> |
There's an animal in bed with me!<br /> |
||
An awful beast he did not see!<br /> |
An awful beast he did not see!<br /> |
||
| − | + | The monster never would've come if he had known!<br /> |
|
The monster, in his consternation,<br /> |
The monster, in his consternation,<br /> |
||
Demonstrates defenestration,<br /> |
Demonstrates defenestration,<br /> |
||
| − | + | And runs and runs and runs and runs away.<br /> |
|
Rid of the pest,<br /> |
Rid of the pest,<br /> |
||
I now can rest,<br /> |
I now can rest,<br /> |
||
| − | + | Thanks to my best friend, who saved the day.<br /> |
|
The End. |
The End. |
||
| + | [[Category:Poems]] |
||
| − | |||
| + | [[Category:Exclusive content]] |
||
| − | {{stub}} |
||
| − | [[Category: |
+ | [[Category:Trivia]] |
| + | [[Category:Calvin and Hobbes]] |
||
| + | [[Category:Tributes, parodies and references]] |
||
| + | [[Category:Stories]] |
||
Revision as of 22:03, 30 January 2018
Some of the verses
"A Nauseous Nocturne" was a 78-line poem describing a monster stalking Calvin at night, patterned after Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven". It was a piece of original content included in The Essential Calvin and Hobbes at the beginning of the book. It was also on page 201 in Book 1 of The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.
Text
A Nauseous Nocturne
By Bill Watterson
Another night deprived of slumber,
Hours passing without number,
My eyes trace 'round the room. I lay
Dripping sweat and now quite certain
That tonight the final curtain
Drops upon my short life's precious play.
From the darkness, by the closet
Comes a noise, much like a faucet
Makes: a madd'ning drip-drip-dripping sound.
It seems some ill-proportioned beast,
Anticipating me deceased,
Is drooling poison puddles on the ground.
A can of Mace, a forty-five,
Is all I'd need to stay alive,
But no weapon lies within my sight.
Oh my gosh! A shadow's creeping,
Omnious and black, it's seeping
Slowly 'cross a moonlit square of light!
Suddenly a floorboard creak
Announces the bloodsucking freak
Is here to steal my future years away!
A sulf'rous smell now fills the room
Heralding my imm'nent doom!
A fang gleams in the dark and murky gray!
Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles!
Throbbing, pulsing ventricles!
Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws!
Worse, in terms of outright scariness,
Are the suckers multifarious
That grab and force you in its mighty jaws!
This disgusting aberration
Of nature needs no motivation
To devour helpless children in their beds.
Relishing despairing moans,
It chews kids up and sucks their bones,
And dissolves inside its mouth their li'l heads!
I know this 'cause I read it not
Two hours ago, and then I got
The heebie-jeebies and these awful shakes.
My parents swore upon their honor
That I was safe, and not a goner.
I guess tomorrow they'll see their sad mistakes.
In the morning, they'll come in
And say, "What was that awful din
We heard last night? You kept us both from sleep!"
Only then will they surmise
The gruesomeness of my demise
And see that my remains are in a heap.
Dad will look at Mom and say,
"Too bad he had to go that way."
And Mom will look at Dad, and nod assent.
Mom will add, "Still, it's fitting,
That as he was this world quitting,
He should leave another mess before he went."
They may not mind at first, I know.
They will miss me later, though,
And perhaps admit that they were wrong.
As memories of me grow dim,
They'll say, "We were too strict with him.
We should have listened to him all along."
As speedily my end approaches,
I bid a final buenas noches
To my best friend here in all the world.
Gently snoring, whiskers seeming
To sniff at smells (he must be dreaming),
He lies snuggled in the blankets, curled.
"HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN!
YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!"
(Suddenly the monster knows I'm not alone!)
There's an animal in bed with me!
An awful beast he did not see!
The monster never would've come if he had known!
The monster, in his consternation,
Demonstrates defenestration,
And runs and runs and runs and runs away.
Rid of the pest,
I now can rest,
Thanks to my best friend, who saved the day.
The End.